RANT: Romance, Companionship, and shipping

Original post: October, 2017

A recurring theme in several manga/anime is friendship/companionship. Something that can easily appeal to many since friendship is vital to living life to its maximum. Just like John Donne said: “No man is an island”

Experts realized long ago that human beings have the need not only of socializing but also of feeling appreciated by the those who they care for. Having people whom we can share our experiences and our success, people who can provide us with counsel or criticize a poor course of action, all of this is essential to our mental/emotional health and our very own personal development. Companionship can provide us with a sense of belonging that allows us to open up and freely express ourselves with our friends. We can have fun together, cry together, help each other out, etc.

On the other hand, values such as honesty and respect are necessary to maintain a friendship stable, as they’re essential for friends to trust each other and have a truthful communication. Companionship can help us learn more about ourselves, and deal with stress more effectively. In fact, this emotional connection is an important part of our growth as human beings, as it enhances our social skills and helps us to define the worth we’ll be giving to others as well as our very own self-worth

So it shouldn’t be surprising many mangakas make their stories revolve around this premise. It’s true such stories had great differences when it comes to themes, structure, tone, and focus. We have protagonists that struggle for self-improvement or do their best to earn others’ acknowledgment or fight for peace and justice, or simply seek adventure and/or freedom while helping people along the way. But despite these differences, many of their stories focus on the theme of friendship/companionship (some more than others)

But what about the relationship we have with a significant person? I mean a romantic relationship…

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.”

~ Ann Landers

To understand a basic definition of romantic love, we have to break through several preconceived ideas about this subject. Many people are prone to misinterpret “crushes” or mere “infatuation” to be “love”. And media wasn’t helping to make a clear distinction between these concepts, for many shows and movies relied for way too long on tropes such as “love at first sight” (something like an intense immediate attraction), or in other cases “sexual tension”, all while ignoring how any relationship (including romantic love) should naturally grow. These trends obviously lead to several misconceptions, that result in a pretty shallow take on how relationships should be

This leads to many shippers to promote ideas based on a poor understanding of what is a well-written relationship. It moves shippers to disregard context, development, or the story itself, to overhype flowers, compliments, corny one-liners, and even overlook a clear lack of investment some characters display. And this is just putting it nicely, for there are people who see “hints” everywhere: frogs, carpets, buttons, nicknames, etc.

In fact, the most shallow pairings that shippers could promote, while aesthetically pleasing, are driven by the fact at least one the characters involved fits the most delusional of shipping fantasies

But if we take away such preconceived notions, we find out what makes a romantic bond something strong not only in literature but also in real life

A romantic bond at its very core is based on “love”. This is a connection that develops gradually over time, becoming stronger and deeper. It can help people to overlook and/or endure the flaws of a significant other, accepting who they are as a whole. Such feelings should be expressed not only by means of mere words but rather through actions and meaningful gestures. Unlike “crushes” or “infatuation” it goes beyond physical attraction or any fantasies we may have

For people to turn this emotional connection into a solid relationship, the very foundation of their romantic bond should be a deep companionship based on mutual faith/trust, affection, thoughtfulness, emotional support, among other things rated M for Mature XD

Joking aside, we can tell friendship/companionship and romance share many similarities; some core differences being that a romantic bond entails a stronger sense of compromise and a higher degree of intimacy

So what’s the point of explaining all of this? To help people understand that in order to build a strong and stable relationship it is necessary for the chemistry and the dynamic between the characters involved to develop in natural/organic manner. It doesn’t require the same mushy stuff some delusional shippers always demand.

A meaningful gesture to provide comfort and hope is more impactful than flowers. Mutual faith/trust is worth more than a compliment. Emotional support is a lot better than constantly lusting over people’s “hotness”. A growing emotional attachment is superior to a mere “crush” or “infatuation”. For they’re the basis for a solid romantic relationship

Why? Because “True love goes beyond a romantic dinner, a stroll along the beach, or tons of compliments; True love is faithfulness, compromise, trust, and support”

That’s how a potent bonding should look like!